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Old 02-27-2009, 8:04 AM
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momraine is on a distinguished road
Default Helping kids forgive

OK so a long story, but I will try to make it short.
I have four kids, ages 15, 14, 9 and 8.
I also have a little sister (I have three, but we are talking about the youngest) She is 28. She has lived with us twice. The first time she was in high school and we had coustody. The two oldest kids were all we had then and she fought with the oldest one, nothing bad, just sibling type stuff.

Ok so then she graduated and went into the Navy. She came out of the Navy, divorced with two kids.
So about a year and half ago I get a phone call and she wants to move in with us, just till she gets her own place. So, OK. Well, it was a difficult experience for my kids. My youngest and her oldest were in the same class at school. Sis felt like she needed to "make up" for the girls not having a father. So she did this by not saying no to them. I am fairly strict, so my kids saw this as a problem. I have one child who has eating issues, she has a child who is also underweight but is allowed to eat sweets. If my child refuses to eat dinner, he would not be allowed to have sweets instead, hers could have sweet cereal or even ice cream instead of dinner. Her girls hurt my youngest son, who while I admit can be annoying is also disabled and could not pysically defend himself. They went into dd's room and destroyed her collectables that were on a high shelf when we were gone one day. Intead of apologizing to my dd sis told her it was her fault for having the things in plain sight. Anyway, after nine months it became apparent that she was not looking for a place of her own. She found something wrong with every place I found. (no washer and dryer, no garage, too small, etc). Up until then we had been paying for everything. Food, dance classes, school supplies, etc. So we decided to begin charging her rent. At that point she decided to go back to where she had been living before she came to us. In the garage of some friends of hers. These friends control every aspect of her life. She has to be of thier religion and she is not allowed to date or have friends over without this couple also being over and this couple has a say in all her parenting decisions. (all this is why she left and moved in with us in the first place) So she decided that moving back in with them was preferable to paying rent. She had gotten used to eating out a lot, having her hair and nails done etc. She would have had to cut back on some of that to pay rent. Ok so she left in May. Now she is acting like everything is fine and she wants to come for a visit this next May so she can attend our daughter's dance recital and her girls can see thier old friends. The problem is my kids heard about it and all threw a fit. They are still angry and don't want them here. I want to keep the relationship in tact in case the girls ever need someone. So any advice on how to help my kids forgive and move on?
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